Facing the truth about self is not easy most of the time, but here are six of them:
1. I use my disabilities as an excuse sometimes or to make people feel I'm entitled to certain things. I'm not proud of it either.
2. I'm the product of an adoption gone wrong from the beginning, and I do have attachment and bonding issues as a result.
3. No matter how much I wish, I don't think I really believe in G-d but I'm raising my kids as Torah loving, G-d seeking young men and yes, I do feel like a hypocrit, but I think it's the best for them.
4. Some so called Christians annoy me to no end (same with some so called Jews), but I admire and respect strong faith and Christians who actually live their Christianity. Rich Mullins is my hero, his songs still make feel a lot closer to HaShem (in whom, as I said before, I'm not sure I actually believe.)
5. My kids (10 and almost 6) know more about forensics than about cartoons. That's because I keep leaving my books on forensics all around the place.
6. I'm not feeling at home in my chosen (home)land and it deeply troubles me. Yet I think it's the best place for my kids so I am trying to change that feeling.
As for 6, if it weren't for the kids, would you come back to live in Hungary or the US or Ireland?
ReplyDeleteNo idea. Since Kevin's work permit expired for Hungary, we's probably still stay.
ReplyDeleteHevel, I must admit that your comments have been an encouragement to read. Thanks. I especially loved your truths and Mindy's.
ReplyDeleteFrom the sound of it, you have traveled the world. What a wonderful opportunity to see so many countries. Why are you not comfortable where you are now?
Christine,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading your blog, especially because we view the world so differently and yet we raise our children very similarly.
For me my present country is a challenge, and mostly because of the language. It is very discouraging that even a year after arriving here I still am not able to speak, read or write the national language. That is my major reason, and I think once I get a grip on the language it'll be all a lot better!
I can totally relate to three and four, I feel differently now about those points thanks to the clarity I got from a book called "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsch...it gave me a sense of peace that 12 years of yeshiva education could never have brought down...
ReplyDelete12 years of yeshiva education? Yuycks. My SIL went to Bais Yaakovs all her life and she made sure all her kids got completely secular education. I don't blame her.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to believe that you don't believe. I love that prayer, "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."
ReplyDeleteAnnie, this belief thing is so hard. I trust that I can rely on something, someone, I do not fully truly can say I believe, but I really do want to believe and I think I'm getting there.
ReplyDeleteWow, Hevel, I can say that I probably totally agree with you. I want to believe in some higher power, I just can't believe so many things that go along with most religions. Wonderful that you are raising your boys religiously. I wish so many professed devout Christians would practice what they preach as well.
ReplyDeleteNatalie
adoptyaroslav.blogspot.com
lyevoiye.blogspot.com (it means politically left in Russian)
maybe a debt reduction blog, too, soon.